Visits to mom are difficult, it's the kind of pain you never want to feel. Last night there hadn't been much change. The EEG came back, no significant events have taken place to explain what is happening. The nurse, whom I really didn't care for told us the neurologist is hopeful for her to come back. He couldn't explain to me what that even really means.
She has been sedated through a good portion of her time in the ICU but now she is awake...wide awake. It's harder to see her now. We can see in to her eyes but she's not able to see us. I stood over her looking in to her eyes talking to her, hoping that she would see me, recognize me and want to come back. I just keep telling her how much she has to live for in hopes of convincing her, as if it were only her choice and that she'd be better off here with us. I give her promises that we'll take care of her and that we don't want to be without her, trying to pull her back to us. It seems that Heavenly Father is pulling harder.
It's hard today to feel what to prepare for. There is so much unknown and so much heartache as we already feel a loss of what we once had. We know things will never be the same. We take the greatest comfort in knowing that our Savior is mindful of us and the pain we feel. I have to believe that he feels very much the same way that we do now. He is always there waiting for us with open arms and the help we need and he is always willing to give it. It is up to us to be able to recognize him despite everything else. It's really something to know that there is a love even deeper for each of us than the love we feel for our mom.
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Thank you for the beautiful words of inspiration. With all the love I have my prayers are for the comfort of your family through this very difficult trial.
ReplyDeleteChristy,
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks... This all sounds so familiar. Just know we are here for you and our prayers are with you, It was the hardest situation for us to tell Trent it was ok to go. We miss him SO much but as you said He is always waiting there for us with open arms. NO matter what happens your Mom is amazing, we all have so much love and fond memmories.. I know of the heartache it is walking in the room daily.. Having wonderful nurses to having nurses that you wonder if they even care. Hang in there. Love to you
I love you Christy. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
ReplyDeleteOh Christy, As I head off to the temple to serve as an ordinance worker today my heart is filled with wishing there was something I could do to ease this time of oain for you and your family. I am so impressed by your inspiring testimony and grateful that you all have the strength of the Lord and one another and all of us who love and admire your mom and dad. Your names are on the prayer roll of the Jordan River Temple and in my heart particularly this day.
ReplyDeleteWhat a way with words you have to describe what you are feeling. We continue to pray for Aunt Di. We love her.
ReplyDelete