Moving Forward

When I went in today, I went feeling really optimistic and anxious to have a little "talk time" with Mom. Talking I really assumed would be me trying to read lips but I wanted to catch her earlier in the day when I hoped she wouldn't be too tired. Everything is an effort that sucks every bit of energy she has. Yesterday was so good that I could hardly wait to see her today. I came in and she was asleep. They had the oxygen mask on her face that was pushing quite a bit of humidity to loosen everything in her chest. Good I thought....and I can wait. Her numbers were looking good today.

After a little time I saw her eyes come open and so I approached her bedside. She didn't see me. I told her I was there, she looked over and then looked away. I was heartbroken. I was so anticipating all the good that I hoped the day would hold. Although her numbers are great now she isn't coughing, and that is a problem. I know she trys but she just plain and simply does not have the strength. She is tired and working too hard. I consulted with several doctors and we along with my dad and the family decided that the best thing at this point was to perform a tracheotomy. They did that this afternoon. It was not something we take lightly and wasn't of course what we wanted to have happen but it is a step towards further recovery. I felt good about it and especially that they intended to do it under controlled circumstances instead of having to perform under emergency circumstances. Everything went well and they removed a lot of blockage. I don't feel that it is a step back but an aid to help us move forward and that's exactly what we want.