Sunday, November 8, 2009
A LITTLE MORE NEWS
Talked with Doc and he is pleased with Diane's improvements over the past 4 days. Nurse is here and talking with Diane. Asking her to do body movements. Diane raised her right arm. Trying to mouth words and eyes are more focused. Color is good. She is breathing 95% on her own today. They want her to work and build her breathing and lung functions. They give her more air at night to give her a rest. She seems tired 24 hours a day, but I guess that is expected. Nurse moving legs and arms to keep movement and tone. Been playing music to her all day. Lane
Sunday Morning Nov. 8th, 2009 - Lane
Well, I am not trying to take over from Christy since she does a spendid job in writing, but maybe it is nice for her to take a couple of days off to care for her family and her sanity!.
Diane and I just finished watching the Tabernacle Choir together. The nurses reported she didn't sleep alot through the night so she is quite tired. As I held her hand she again opened her eyes and focused in on me, but soon closed them. As the choir started and sang she would open her eyes again periodically. The nurse also moved the bed so that she is in a more sitting position. Not sure if she could see the TV and the choir broadcast or not.
Here is a little report on her condition. Many things have improved since she came in. Apparently Diane had picked multiple infections and pneumonia problems. The nurse said she just picked them up from being out and about, and with her immune system being compromised with MS, they took hold infecting her lungs and creating septic shock condition, where the blood takes the infection body wide. Antibotics have been her 'main course' of food. Treatment has included many different types, and docs have changed it as her infections have changed. Her battle now is two fold. Getting her lungs back and without infection and fluids and getting her to wake up more. There is always concern with an attack or exaserbation of MS. Her organs etc are much better and so she makes a little progress hopefully each day. The staff is great and are taking great care of Diane.
Her temperature is normal, breathing a little rapid. Lungs doing good in expelling some fluids. They are still sucking fluids out with some kind on pump apparatis and Diane does NOT like it much. She will move her arms in protest and furrow her brow. Still some water retention in the extremeties.
We appreciate your prayers and thoughts for Diane and the family. Thank you for visiting this blog and for your comments. We invite all to leave their feelings and thoughts in the comment section. We will be sharing those with Diane as soon as we can.
We have no idea when she will be out of ICU and can receive visitors. I would suspect visiting won't happen till December sometime. For now it is just her family.
There is a LDS ward here at the hospital, and 2 couples came by a short time ago. One of the sister's read the first verse from "I Stand all Amazed". The 2 elders blessed the sacrament for Diane and I. Since Diane cannot ingest at this time, I was instructed to simply put the bread to her lips. The water was given with a small sponge soaked in the blessed water and I then touched that to her lips. It is wonderful to receive the service and care of others. Again, thanks for your love and prayers. We tell Diane that many are praying for her. We are now listening to Sunday Sounds from the computer. Internet is wonderful. - - Lane
Diane and I just finished watching the Tabernacle Choir together. The nurses reported she didn't sleep alot through the night so she is quite tired. As I held her hand she again opened her eyes and focused in on me, but soon closed them. As the choir started and sang she would open her eyes again periodically. The nurse also moved the bed so that she is in a more sitting position. Not sure if she could see the TV and the choir broadcast or not.
Here is a little report on her condition. Many things have improved since she came in. Apparently Diane had picked multiple infections and pneumonia problems. The nurse said she just picked them up from being out and about, and with her immune system being compromised with MS, they took hold infecting her lungs and creating septic shock condition, where the blood takes the infection body wide. Antibotics have been her 'main course' of food. Treatment has included many different types, and docs have changed it as her infections have changed. Her battle now is two fold. Getting her lungs back and without infection and fluids and getting her to wake up more. There is always concern with an attack or exaserbation of MS. Her organs etc are much better and so she makes a little progress hopefully each day. The staff is great and are taking great care of Diane.
Her temperature is normal, breathing a little rapid. Lungs doing good in expelling some fluids. They are still sucking fluids out with some kind on pump apparatis and Diane does NOT like it much. She will move her arms in protest and furrow her brow. Still some water retention in the extremeties.
We appreciate your prayers and thoughts for Diane and the family. Thank you for visiting this blog and for your comments. We invite all to leave their feelings and thoughts in the comment section. We will be sharing those with Diane as soon as we can.
We have no idea when she will be out of ICU and can receive visitors. I would suspect visiting won't happen till December sometime. For now it is just her family.
There is a LDS ward here at the hospital, and 2 couples came by a short time ago. One of the sister's read the first verse from "I Stand all Amazed". The 2 elders blessed the sacrament for Diane and I. Since Diane cannot ingest at this time, I was instructed to simply put the bread to her lips. The water was given with a small sponge soaked in the blessed water and I then touched that to her lips. It is wonderful to receive the service and care of others. Again, thanks for your love and prayers. We tell Diane that many are praying for her. We are now listening to Sunday Sounds from the computer. Internet is wonderful. - - Lane
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Saturday: Morning 8:30 AM - Lane (Husband)
Came into the room @ 8:30 this morning. Set down my computer and went to Diane's bedside. She had her eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping. I took her hand and gave her a squeeze. She slowly opened her eyes. I moved closer to her and started talking to her. Her eyes focused on me. It was not that blank stare she has had. Her eyes moved away for a few seconds. I kept talking. Telling her she has had pneumonia and infection. How her family and friends are praying for her. Her eyes slowly drifted back to mine. WOW!
The nurse just came in. I told her I got an eye response. She told me that Nancy (sister) and Bryan were in yesterday and that she nodded to questions. WOW! The first responses from Diane in 2 1/2 weeks. It is like Christmas! No, better than Christmas since our time leading up to this 'event' has not been exciting like Christmas. The time has been scary...dreadful. It has usurped my energy and my focus.
Now I am excited and hopeful. The nurse is changing 'connection's into her arm. I told her to make sure and turn on the Tabernacle Choir program tomorrow @ 9:30. Nurse says Christy told her to turn on Matlock too. Our nurse today Alese and she is originally from Boston. She is a skier and moved out here to be close to the hills. Meet her husband online here.
Well, enough of that. Thanks for your prayers. We are hoping for continued improvement. Diane is resting now. She looks very tired. Lane
Friday, November 6, 2009
Eighteen Days - Feelings Expressed by Lane - Diane's Husband
I thought it time I express some thoughts about our family trial.
I woke up this morning with Diane on my mind. I laid there, my thoughts riveted on Diane. I wondered why. Why? I see Diane laying in her ICU bed. I see the air tube. I see her arms and legs which are usually a bit swollen from water retention. But most of all, I see her eyes. Her eyes. As a young man I feel in love with those beautiful eyes. Now I see those eyes. Her eyes are simply blank now. And a part of me is blank.
Diane is simple person. She loves the simple things of life. She is delighted decorating her house for the season or the holiday. Having been an elementry school teacher, much of her life's fulfillment came from her love of children, teaching and interacting with them. She was a wonderful and caring teacher. Having developed MS in 1991 and leaving full time teaching, she was able to do some substitute teaching. She was often requested by her peers to come and cover for their classes. Kids she had taught would come up to Diane in stores and thank her. "You are Mrs. Clark, my 4th grade teacher" She always looked out for the 'underdog' child and gave them special attention and encouragement.
Diane is special. She loved her family. Her grand kids was her focus along with keeping her husband thinking straight. (Read the Nov. 1 Sunday post about Granny.) Her MS is a great trial to her. There have been times (exacerbations) when she had to crawl to the bathroom. Lately, she has developed slurred speech and hand/arm tremors. I have had to feed her at times because she would place food on her fork but flip it around the room when her hand would tremor.
Diane has endured alot. We often ask why? Especially now. Why must such a wonderful, simple, loving person have to enure more? Why.......
We, the family, are coping...kinda.
It is hard going to go to bed at night. Praying for Diane. Begging the Lord. Hoping. Wondering why. Shedding some tears. Crawling into bed. I am alone. I see her in her ICU room. I wonder why. I see her eyes. I am blank.
I must express much gratitude. Christy my daughter who started and has kept up this blog. We hope it has been helpful to all. It has helped me. Matt, thanks for helping and your support. Andy and Heidi, hang in there. Kathryn, thanks for watching Judge Judy with dad. Mom loved the judge.
Nancy, Dave Matt, Reed, spouses and family - thank you for your many visits, prayers and concern. And thanks to all of YOU from the Clark's for your expressions of love and concern and especially for your prayers.
And then there is our family angel Vickie Linton. Diane's long time very best friend and confidant in the world. Vickie, thank you, thank you. I know how much you have helped Christy, Andy, Kathryn and me understand all this better and get through this a little bit easier. You have been our light. You have made it easier to endure. You are our angel.
Again, thank you all.. neighbors, friends, ward members, family, my Facebook and business associates, for your love and prayers. We are indebted to each of you for your personal pleaing to the Lord in Diane's behalf. We have faith because of you. God bless you all. Lane
I woke up this morning with Diane on my mind. I laid there, my thoughts riveted on Diane. I wondered why. Why? I see Diane laying in her ICU bed. I see the air tube. I see her arms and legs which are usually a bit swollen from water retention. But most of all, I see her eyes. Her eyes. As a young man I feel in love with those beautiful eyes. Now I see those eyes. Her eyes are simply blank now. And a part of me is blank.
Diane is simple person. She loves the simple things of life. She is delighted decorating her house for the season or the holiday. Having been an elementry school teacher, much of her life's fulfillment came from her love of children, teaching and interacting with them. She was a wonderful and caring teacher. Having developed MS in 1991 and leaving full time teaching, she was able to do some substitute teaching. She was often requested by her peers to come and cover for their classes. Kids she had taught would come up to Diane in stores and thank her. "You are Mrs. Clark, my 4th grade teacher" She always looked out for the 'underdog' child and gave them special attention and encouragement.
Diane is special. She loved her family. Her grand kids was her focus along with keeping her husband thinking straight. (Read the Nov. 1 Sunday post about Granny.) Her MS is a great trial to her. There have been times (exacerbations) when she had to crawl to the bathroom. Lately, she has developed slurred speech and hand/arm tremors. I have had to feed her at times because she would place food on her fork but flip it around the room when her hand would tremor.
Diane has endured alot. We often ask why? Especially now. Why must such a wonderful, simple, loving person have to enure more? Why.......
We, the family, are coping...kinda.
It is hard going to go to bed at night. Praying for Diane. Begging the Lord. Hoping. Wondering why. Shedding some tears. Crawling into bed. I am alone. I see her in her ICU room. I wonder why. I see her eyes. I am blank.
I must express much gratitude. Christy my daughter who started and has kept up this blog. We hope it has been helpful to all. It has helped me. Matt, thanks for helping and your support. Andy and Heidi, hang in there. Kathryn, thanks for watching Judge Judy with dad. Mom loved the judge.
Nancy, Dave Matt, Reed, spouses and family - thank you for your many visits, prayers and concern. And thanks to all of YOU from the Clark's for your expressions of love and concern and especially for your prayers.
And then there is our family angel Vickie Linton. Diane's long time very best friend and confidant in the world. Vickie, thank you, thank you. I know how much you have helped Christy, Andy, Kathryn and me understand all this better and get through this a little bit easier. You have been our light. You have made it easier to endure. You are our angel.
Again, thank you all.. neighbors, friends, ward members, family, my Facebook and business associates, for your love and prayers. We are indebted to each of you for your personal pleaing to the Lord in Diane's behalf. We have faith because of you. God bless you all. Lane
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Neurology at it's finest
Can I say I was not all too impressed with the less than stellar answers I received from the neurologist today? I'm sorry but I can plainly say that long pauses and breathy answers are not sources of comfort to any person with concern. My conversation consisted of me trying to pry information from him. He told me ,"these are all really great questions but unfortunately I don't have any great answers." Hmmm...I think this is a theme, one that I'm not all too intersted in pursuing. It is concerning that we haven't seen improvments mentally. The theory is that if we have marked improvements physically that the metal state will follow suit.
Antibiotic changes were once again made yesterday. White blood cell count is down today coming in at about 23,000 and no fever. All great things. I felt like yesterday her eyes might have been tracking a little. I'm sure the nurses and staff who could see in thought I was nuts because I kept going from side to side of her bed. I wanted to see if she would follow my voice and turn her head when I spoke. I'd like to believe that she was following me. Today her eyes weren't too wide. I think she was tired. They were really working her on the ventilator and she was exhausted. Tonight she will have a break. A little time to regain some strength will be good.
She once again had a priesthood blessing this evening. I am so grateful to the bishop and stake president for their placement of power on her behalf. I feel very strongly that prayers, fasting and faith is not lacking, thank you for that. I feel strengthened, I think we all need that to carry on. We know that everything that we are experiencing is part of the Lord's plan and we all knew it wouldn't be easy.
Life is fragile. For as often as that phrase is used you'd think we'd believe it. It's amazing how easy it is to take life, family and the simples blessings that are afforded each of us for granted. It's not until you experience something so life altering that you really stop to think. It's the precious moments of life that we remember, the simple joys. I examine my own life now. You just don't know how permanent anything is. I think of all that is mine and how blessed I have been to know love and happiness in it's truest form.
Antibiotic changes were once again made yesterday. White blood cell count is down today coming in at about 23,000 and no fever. All great things. I felt like yesterday her eyes might have been tracking a little. I'm sure the nurses and staff who could see in thought I was nuts because I kept going from side to side of her bed. I wanted to see if she would follow my voice and turn her head when I spoke. I'd like to believe that she was following me. Today her eyes weren't too wide. I think she was tired. They were really working her on the ventilator and she was exhausted. Tonight she will have a break. A little time to regain some strength will be good.
She once again had a priesthood blessing this evening. I am so grateful to the bishop and stake president for their placement of power on her behalf. I feel very strongly that prayers, fasting and faith is not lacking, thank you for that. I feel strengthened, I think we all need that to carry on. We know that everything that we are experiencing is part of the Lord's plan and we all knew it wouldn't be easy.
Life is fragile. For as often as that phrase is used you'd think we'd believe it. It's amazing how easy it is to take life, family and the simples blessings that are afforded each of us for granted. It's not until you experience something so life altering that you really stop to think. It's the precious moments of life that we remember, the simple joys. I examine my own life now. You just don't know how permanent anything is. I think of all that is mine and how blessed I have been to know love and happiness in it's truest form.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The window to her soul
Visits to mom are difficult, it's the kind of pain you never want to feel. Last night there hadn't been much change. The EEG came back, no significant events have taken place to explain what is happening. The nurse, whom I really didn't care for told us the neurologist is hopeful for her to come back. He couldn't explain to me what that even really means.
She has been sedated through a good portion of her time in the ICU but now she is awake...wide awake. It's harder to see her now. We can see in to her eyes but she's not able to see us. I stood over her looking in to her eyes talking to her, hoping that she would see me, recognize me and want to come back. I just keep telling her how much she has to live for in hopes of convincing her, as if it were only her choice and that she'd be better off here with us. I give her promises that we'll take care of her and that we don't want to be without her, trying to pull her back to us. It seems that Heavenly Father is pulling harder.
It's hard today to feel what to prepare for. There is so much unknown and so much heartache as we already feel a loss of what we once had. We know things will never be the same. We take the greatest comfort in knowing that our Savior is mindful of us and the pain we feel. I have to believe that he feels very much the same way that we do now. He is always there waiting for us with open arms and the help we need and he is always willing to give it. It is up to us to be able to recognize him despite everything else. It's really something to know that there is a love even deeper for each of us than the love we feel for our mom.
She has been sedated through a good portion of her time in the ICU but now she is awake...wide awake. It's harder to see her now. We can see in to her eyes but she's not able to see us. I stood over her looking in to her eyes talking to her, hoping that she would see me, recognize me and want to come back. I just keep telling her how much she has to live for in hopes of convincing her, as if it were only her choice and that she'd be better off here with us. I give her promises that we'll take care of her and that we don't want to be without her, trying to pull her back to us. It seems that Heavenly Father is pulling harder.
It's hard today to feel what to prepare for. There is so much unknown and so much heartache as we already feel a loss of what we once had. We know things will never be the same. We take the greatest comfort in knowing that our Savior is mindful of us and the pain we feel. I have to believe that he feels very much the same way that we do now. He is always there waiting for us with open arms and the help we need and he is always willing to give it. It is up to us to be able to recognize him despite everything else. It's really something to know that there is a love even deeper for each of us than the love we feel for our mom.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
A tribute to Granny
November 1st
Diane Dixon Clark is not only our loving and devoted mother she is Granny to our children. Our sweet sweet Granny. Many women avoid the name of Granny and choose something more flattering, trendy or current..... but not our mom. She wears that title with pride. It is a long standing maternal tradition. My mom's mom is Granny to us and her mom was Granny to my mom. My boys defend this endearment with pride. Once, Jackson who was 3 at the time was asked if he was having a good time with Grandma. He looked at this women with sternness and quickly responded, "This is not my grandma, she is my Granny". We love our Granny.
Mom is the type of women that has always related to the little ones. She always knows what they like best because those are the same things that she likes. Spending time with Granny is a treat because it more than likely involves treats that come by way of a tea party or out of her candy jar. She is often found sitting around the child size table serving up orange soda out of the plastic teapot with a hearty meal of fruit snacks, granola bars, and crackers. My boys are in heaven. She can build train tracks like no one else can, is always up for a round of bedbugs and loves to help them with projects and crafts that are sure to be treasures to look at on their nightstands for months to come. She is loved and irreplaceable to these little boys who so affectionately refer to her as their sweet sweet Granny. She is soon to be Granny to 5 boys as we anticipate the arrival of Andy and Heidi's newest.
Granny can't always make her body do what she wants it to, but she has always done what she could and we love her even more for it. She always was interested in what the latest funny thing the kids had to say was so that she could tell a good story to the nurses who treated her. We have had some good laughs. Laughing and enjoying life with the family is what brings her the greatest joy in life. She takes great pride in her children and grandchildren. She always knew deep down that this was the greatest and most important wealth that this life has to offer.
We have been blessed forever more to call this wonderful woman mom and for our children to know happiness as a result of a Granny who loves them endlessly. I love her, respect her and treasure all that she has instilled in me as a wife and mother myself.
Diane Dixon Clark is not only our loving and devoted mother she is Granny to our children. Our sweet sweet Granny. Many women avoid the name of Granny and choose something more flattering, trendy or current..... but not our mom. She wears that title with pride. It is a long standing maternal tradition. My mom's mom is Granny to us and her mom was Granny to my mom. My boys defend this endearment with pride. Once, Jackson who was 3 at the time was asked if he was having a good time with Grandma. He looked at this women with sternness and quickly responded, "This is not my grandma, she is my Granny". We love our Granny.
Mom is the type of women that has always related to the little ones. She always knows what they like best because those are the same things that she likes. Spending time with Granny is a treat because it more than likely involves treats that come by way of a tea party or out of her candy jar. She is often found sitting around the child size table serving up orange soda out of the plastic teapot with a hearty meal of fruit snacks, granola bars, and crackers. My boys are in heaven. She can build train tracks like no one else can, is always up for a round of bedbugs and loves to help them with projects and crafts that are sure to be treasures to look at on their nightstands for months to come. She is loved and irreplaceable to these little boys who so affectionately refer to her as their sweet sweet Granny. She is soon to be Granny to 5 boys as we anticipate the arrival of Andy and Heidi's newest.
Granny can't always make her body do what she wants it to, but she has always done what she could and we love her even more for it. She always was interested in what the latest funny thing the kids had to say was so that she could tell a good story to the nurses who treated her. We have had some good laughs. Laughing and enjoying life with the family is what brings her the greatest joy in life. She takes great pride in her children and grandchildren. She always knew deep down that this was the greatest and most important wealth that this life has to offer.
We have been blessed forever more to call this wonderful woman mom and for our children to know happiness as a result of a Granny who loves them endlessly. I love her, respect her and treasure all that she has instilled in me as a wife and mother myself.
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